Bedtime is one of my favourite times to connect with my child. Some nights we read books. Other nights we make up stories together. And sometimes we do both.
Recently, I discovered that our made-up stories can also help me learn about something I’ve always been very curious about: what he did all day at preschool or school.
Like many parents, I would pick him up and ask: “What did you do today?”
His answer was often something along the lines of: “Nothing.”
Or he might remember one small thing and leave it at that. Of course, I was never satisfied with this answer. I wanted to know everything. Who did he play with? What activities did they do? What did he eat?
So naturally, I would start asking more questions. And more questions. Eventually, he would get frustrated and tell me he didn’t want to talk anymore.
I started to realize that perhaps the problem wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell me about his day. Maybe he really didn’t remember or know how to share what he did.
Why “What Did You Do Today?” Can Be Hard for Young Children
Young children can remember events from their lives. But autobiographical memory—the ability to remember and tell the story of something that happened to us—is still developing throughout the early years. Remembering an entire preschool or school day is a complicated task for them.
When we ask a young child, “What did you do today?” we’re asking them to mentally search through several hours of experiences, decide which ones are important, put them in some kind of order, find the words to describe them, and then tell us about them. That’s a lot for a young child.
Research on elaborative reminiscing—the way parents and children talk together about past experiences—suggests that young children benefit when parents help them build those memories through conversation and storytelling. Children tend to provide richer accounts when parents offer supportive prompts, add context, encourage their responses, and allow the conversation to unfold together rather than expecting the child to recall everything independently.
Once I understood this, his “I don’t remember” made a lot more sense. I must admit, I still ask him, “What did you do today?” But I try not to push when he says, “Nothing.”
Eventually, I discovered another way to get him talking about his day: bedtime stories.
I Started Turning His Day Into a Story
At bedtime, instead of asking him what happened at school, I started making up a story about his day.
I used the little bits I already knew—going to school, seeing his teacher, eating lunch, going outside, and whatever special activity was mentioned on his class calendar—and filled in the rest with imaginary details.
Almost immediately, he started correcting me.
Suddenly, the child who couldn’t remember what he had done that day had plenty to say. Instead of having to retrieve his entire day from the question “What did you do?”, he now had something specific to respond to.
And because it was a story rather than a series of questions, it didn’t feel like I was interviewing him. Instead, it felt like we were creating the story together.
How We Do It
I usually begin with something I know actually happened.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who went to school. When he got there, he put away his backpack, changed into his indoor shoes, and went into his classroom…
Then I might add something obviously silly.
And then his teacher announced that everyone was going to tickle each other.
“No! We didn’t tickle each other!”
Oh, really? Then what did you do?
“We sat down in a circle and read a book.”
I might continue:
Later, everyone went to gym class. The teacher told them they were going to play a game where everyone had to hop around like kangaroos…
“Noooo! We played turtle tag!”
Turtle tag? How do you play that?
And sometimes one little detail leads to another. The story gives him something to react to, and I can follow wherever he takes it.
I don’t try to make every detail realistic. I’m also not trying to get a perfectly accurate report of his day. I’m simply helping him remember parts of his day and share little pieces of it through storytelling.
And if he doesn’t feel like correcting me or adding to the story, I let it go—the goal is to connect with him about his day.
Sometimes I learn that he played with a particular friend. Sometimes I hear about an activity that he really liked. Sometimes I discover what he ate for lunch. Sometimes he shares how he felt that day, and I use the opportunity to help him process his emotions.
What started as my attempt to find out what my child does when he’s away from me has become one of my favourite ways to connect at bedtime.